I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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