and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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