shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I checked into jail on foursquare
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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