its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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