I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
