Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
These tits shall not be calmed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
