yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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