Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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