definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
