Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
