I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
