Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
