Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
