it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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