she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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