how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
