the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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