some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
