I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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