i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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