Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
