she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
