well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My feet surprised me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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