There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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