yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
