I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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