I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
