...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
