I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
