I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
