Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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