I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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