I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
