note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
