Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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