oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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