just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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