i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Alive.
So much puke
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
