i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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