How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
