Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
