i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
