Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
