I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
