I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
