Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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