Just fell off a train. Bad.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
