just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
