He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
