I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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