Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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