Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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