I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
