We won't sleep together?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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