Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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