Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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