his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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