i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So many bounce houses so little time
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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