my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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