that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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