dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I could make wine with my vomit
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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