sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
