you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty