Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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