Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
