at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
