I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
