after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
