So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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