I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
